In my opinion, of all the things we like to treasure and hide in our cupboards, the one thing or a bunch of things that would easily top the list would be skeletons. Figuratively, that is. And this despite the fact that we don't want them to be there in the first place. Such is the problem with these dark incidents of our past that lurk inside the dark recesses of a cupboard. You can't keep them, you can't throw them.
Needless to say, everyone of us has had several such really-really-want-to-but-cannot-forget experiences that we'd like to lock away in a cupboard, throw away the key and try to forget about them forever. Unfortunately, if our luck runs out and someone happens to find that key we thought we threw away long ago and figure out which cupboard that dreaded key unlocks, skeletons start to tumble out. By then, it is a bit too late for us to admit our guilt or acknowledge our embarrassment about our not-so-proud moments. And so we wallow in a sea of denial like that proverbial scared cat burying its head in the sand to escape danger.
I for one, also have quite a few such skeletons to hide in my own cupboard. And as I grow older, I'm realizing that the cupboard's getting smaller and the skeletons are beginning to show. So before they start tumbling out skull first, I've decided to do something about it. Of course, I can't start a straightforward spring cleaning process and throw them all out because that would mean owning up to a lot of bad and embarrassing things I have done in my life with vehement denials. I can only think of doing selective spring cleaning by denying stuff I can deny without getting into too much trouble. I will try to laugh off a few of them and try to forget. A few, I will try to forget with time. The rest, I will surely keep so that they act as constant reminders of the mistakes and blunders I have committed in my life. Such stark reminders will surely help deter me from repeating them again.
At the same time, I don't want to increase the size of the cupboard because space is indeed always a premium. Instead, from now on, if there seems to be a potential new entrant into the closet, I'll own up to it and forget about it. Because, its easier to forget when you do something good (like owning up) unlike when you do something bad (like hiding it) and get haunted by it for most (if not for the rest) of your life. But owning up is easier said than done. The pain of owning up is not small. I would have to first admit to myself that I was wrong and then confess to others. I would have to overcome the habit of searching for scapegoats in case something goes wrong because of me. But this is only one side of the story. A bigger contribution should come from others who are affected by my blunders. They would have to forgive me even if they cannot forget. Whilst it is in our nature to ask for forgiveness when we mess up, it is not easy for us to forgive someone else if they commit the very same mistakes. In my own case, I have had several instances where I was reluctant to forgive others for their goof ups whereas I was fortunate enough to be forgiven by big-hearted souls who didn't think for a second while doing so. But I'm learning. It takes quite a big heart to be forgiving. And as I am growing older, phrases such as 'go with the flow', 'enjoy the moment', 'travel with/without friends' are slowly but surely replacing words like 'responsibility', 'maturity', 'conservatism', 'aggression' and 'prudence' in the diary of my life. Perhaps, I will add 'forgive and forget' to the list of to-add phrases as well. And thus, I will be able to hopefully reduce the skeletons in others' and my cupboards as well. After all, it's not fun to know that some day they will tumble out to haunt me at the most inopportune time. With a vengeance.
Needless to say, everyone of us has had several such really-really-want-to-but-cannot-forget experiences that we'd like to lock away in a cupboard, throw away the key and try to forget about them forever. Unfortunately, if our luck runs out and someone happens to find that key we thought we threw away long ago and figure out which cupboard that dreaded key unlocks, skeletons start to tumble out. By then, it is a bit too late for us to admit our guilt or acknowledge our embarrassment about our not-so-proud moments. And so we wallow in a sea of denial like that proverbial scared cat burying its head in the sand to escape danger.
I for one, also have quite a few such skeletons to hide in my own cupboard. And as I grow older, I'm realizing that the cupboard's getting smaller and the skeletons are beginning to show. So before they start tumbling out skull first, I've decided to do something about it. Of course, I can't start a straightforward spring cleaning process and throw them all out because that would mean owning up to a lot of bad and embarrassing things I have done in my life with vehement denials. I can only think of doing selective spring cleaning by denying stuff I can deny without getting into too much trouble. I will try to laugh off a few of them and try to forget. A few, I will try to forget with time. The rest, I will surely keep so that they act as constant reminders of the mistakes and blunders I have committed in my life. Such stark reminders will surely help deter me from repeating them again.
At the same time, I don't want to increase the size of the cupboard because space is indeed always a premium. Instead, from now on, if there seems to be a potential new entrant into the closet, I'll own up to it and forget about it. Because, its easier to forget when you do something good (like owning up) unlike when you do something bad (like hiding it) and get haunted by it for most (if not for the rest) of your life. But owning up is easier said than done. The pain of owning up is not small. I would have to first admit to myself that I was wrong and then confess to others. I would have to overcome the habit of searching for scapegoats in case something goes wrong because of me. But this is only one side of the story. A bigger contribution should come from others who are affected by my blunders. They would have to forgive me even if they cannot forget. Whilst it is in our nature to ask for forgiveness when we mess up, it is not easy for us to forgive someone else if they commit the very same mistakes. In my own case, I have had several instances where I was reluctant to forgive others for their goof ups whereas I was fortunate enough to be forgiven by big-hearted souls who didn't think for a second while doing so. But I'm learning. It takes quite a big heart to be forgiving. And as I am growing older, phrases such as 'go with the flow', 'enjoy the moment', 'travel with/without friends' are slowly but surely replacing words like 'responsibility', 'maturity', 'conservatism', 'aggression' and 'prudence' in the diary of my life. Perhaps, I will add 'forgive and forget' to the list of to-add phrases as well. And thus, I will be able to hopefully reduce the skeletons in others' and my cupboards as well. After all, it's not fun to know that some day they will tumble out to haunt me at the most inopportune time. With a vengeance.
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