Hardest thing to do in the world

What's the hardest thing you have ever done?

Express your feelings to a girl you had a crush on?
Waking up at 5 am to catch an early morning flight?
Go on a diet and lose weight?

For me I would say none of the above. The hardest thing for me would have been getting off the couch and hit the gym to start working out again. Yes, "again" because I start working out once in six months and give up within a week. Yea! Sigh! Its such a pain to make your body undergo such torture. When I put on weight, the only way I try to reduce is by trying to burn off all those calories by exercising. Yea, no shortcuts for me. But getting up to do all of this which needs to be done is so much of a pain!

I have put on an obvious amount of weight in the past few months. How do I know? My general meter for checking how fit I am is the Staircase Meter. If I am able to climb up 4 stories without panting then I'm in shape. Otherwise I guess I need to work out. In the recent past I was out of breath before I reached the 2nd story. Which meant I was awfully out of shape. I have a Plan B to counter this argument. That is the trouser fit check. I fall back on it in case I want to pretend that I'm ok even if I run out breath climbing stairs. If my 5 year old jeans fits then I'm ok. Otherwise, its otherwise. Which was the case again. The jeans did not fit. Time to get off the couch. Ouch!

The inertia of getting up from the couch and moving your muscles is enough to call it off. Eventually when you do overcome it, its an achievement to gloat about. And when you exercise for 45 minutes its like you've climbed Mt. Everest, without oxygen. But its the day two which is the most agonizing. Getting out of bed means, falling out of bed because the limbs go on a strike demanding more food and less work (its a mighty strong trade union, if you ask me). Its times like these that I fantasise a good massage. And its times like these I can relate to the agonies of heroes from MacLean's novels who have been shot, have been used as a punching bag and have been left for dead. You get to know about muscles that you never knew existed before. Every joint pains and every muscle aches. It is a cruel reminder that you're a weak mortal.

Forget the staircases, I'll take the elevator. Its faster. And who says that jeans should fit you everytime you wear them? Jeans is cotton and eventually they shrink. Yea right! If I believe in this baloney then its like closing my eyes and pretending that I'm invisible to everyone because I cannot see them.

So, I have been exercising for 4 days straight now and hope to continue it for sometime till results show. My shoulder is loosening up a bit and am able to get some movement into my limbs after all that initial resistance. My hamstrings are allowing me to walk (at least!) like a robot, for now. It was worse earlier. I hope its making some difference. Its such a hard thing to lose off fat in the wrong places that I'm making a New Year resolution of eating right and not to put on more weight. Go easy on food? Hardest thing for me to do in the world!

What it takes to be a Super Spy or "iSpy"

Its been quite an eventful month for me with work keeping me busy most of the time. By work I really mean some useful work. So whenever I got some free time, I tried to avoid turning on my laptop and used that time for chores such as spring cleaning the house, catching up on sports, reading books (the ones printed in ink on recycled paper) and so on. Sigh! its such a pain! spring cleaning, I mean.

While I was not cleaning and not working, I caught up on my reading. It has been a long time since I came across any good well-written novels concerning espionage and spy thrillers, which happens to my usual interest in fiction. Some of my favorite writers are Alistair MacLean, Colin Forbes, Frederick Forsythe and John Le Carre. The latest addition include some contemporary spy fiction by Daniel silva. Silva's novels follow the exploits of an Israeli spy by name Gabriel Allon. Gabriel hunts ex-Nazis and other enemies of the Promised Land. Cleverly written, the plots weave between facts and fiction and sometimes actual events form the basis of the storyline. While Gabriel is not hunting baddies or working for his boss in King Saul Boulevard, Tel Aviv, he works as a full-time art-restorer in Venice and restores renaissance masterpieces. Quite a feat!

This set me thinking. How can a person with one full-time profession have two full time occupations? Somedays, I can't have proper dinner considering the kind of time I spend on my single bread and butter job. The other thought that struck me at the same time was, if an art restorer can be a spy then why not a guy from any other profession? For instance why can't an accountant, or a doctor or for that matter a software engineer/consultant be a spy? After all, spying means gathering bits and pieces of information (a lot of bits and pieces), piecing them together like a jigsaw puzzle, analysing that info and then coming to a conclusion as to where the bad guys are or what evil deed they are upto next. Other times you keep a silent watch on your enemies to stop them from striking you first. All this while, you also ensure that no one is watching you or planning to put you out of commission. I'm sure most of you will agree with me on this. So, what if I were to write a spy fiction and put a Software professional as the main character? Software engineering as the profession because that's the trade I know most about. Art-restoration is something I wouldn't venture into. I wouldn't be able to figure out which side is up for a Picasso.

But then again, if the character was a computer professional, the story wouldn't be half as exciting. For argument's sake, let's imagine a software consultant being a super spy character. Just imagine!

So I let my imagination fly and starting thinking about creating this great character. For starters, he would have all the necessary equipment and gear and go anywhere without raising anyone's suspicions. He'd always carry a laptop which would store loads of info and not a soul would raise an eyebrow. He could carry hi-tech gadgets like a PDA-cum-mobile or a Blackberry, an iPod, a digital camera, a case of CDs/DVDs, and the list goes on. He could conceal all the info as program code written in some high level language (Trust me, even a fellow software engineer cannot read a software engineer's code). No microfilms, concealed chips under the skin, etc., that would cause bad people to shoot at him. Everything he carries would be his normal tools of the trade. Nothing out of place in his profession so long as he does not carry a gun, or some other exotic gadget that could cause bodily harm.

His mundane job also takes him places. His passport is stamped with visits to countries all over the world. So no fake passports and legends. He could be seen in Paris today and Casablanca the next, because he had a "presentation" to give. No questions asked and no eyebrows raised.

For that matter, he can do any so called covert activity of exchanging classified material without even disguising himself and contacting shady informers, night club dancers, sleeper agents, document forgers or visiting dead letter-boxes. All he has to do is receive encrypted e-mail from anywhere in the world on his Blackberry. The riskiest thing he might do is carry out a surveillance on a bad guy using a spycam or webcam his contacts might have set at the baddies' place posing as hardware engineers. Logon to the webcam URL and watch the things unfold on the laptop, of course.

And while he is "onsite" as part of a consulting project, he can take pics on his digital camera, upload them to picasa, and email the URL to his "controller". No danger of someone trying to stop him (whatever maybe the cost) and grabbing hold of the negatives while he's in transit. Alternatively, he can post all this data in his SSL enabled website or blog with restricted access or simply write a blog. As someone mentioned, the best place to get lost for a person is in a crowd. With so many people like me getting online these days, the internet is getting crowded, and then some. So all the precious information he would collect would be securely "lost" and "found" as per convenience in an obscure website which he should be wise enough not to list in Google search. Which means, a perfect guy for the job with no high life insurance premium. And way too boring. James Bond would be out of job in a day considering the kind of expense reports he submits to his bosses. So would Maxwell Smart of "Get Smart" fame. And of course no collateral damages and no getting into the line of fire.

And yes, in case he wants his government's laser-guided bombs to decimate the baddies' place, all our man has to do is get onto Google Earth and locate the spot, mark it with 'X' and email the map. The aerial bombers can finish the rest of the job.

On normal days, that is, on days he's taken off spying, all my character would have to do is get online every morning, check his emails while brushing his teeth and probably play some games online while at the job (because his company pays his broadband bills) or chat online with a handle like "DaSupaSpy" (no one would give a 2nd thought about it). After a late breakfast, get back to his cover "work" and do some coding on his programs and assignments whenever he would feel like, munching on a bag of chips and downing liters of diet coke. All in a day's work for a digital world citizen.

Which makes me get back to my point. All the above stuff would make my plot a whole lot less exciting and very normal. No guns, no fast cars (ouch! that hurts), no pretty damsels-in-distress or no pretty damsels pretending to be damsels-in-distress, no deceptions, hidden secrets, double-crossing, no black tie events at the baddies' mansions where you can have a tongue-in-cheek verbal duel with the top baddie, no exotic places to travel to (yes, no Venice, no Monaco, no Udaipur, geez!) wearing designer wear and designer gear, no cutting down bad guys with specialized weapons, no tortures, and so on. Yawn!

Any editor worth his salt would kill the idea of a spy-cum-software-consultant even before I start on chapter one. Some ideas are so perfect that they are not meant to be. The thriller/spy fiction world will not miss an internet savvy hero. Pity.

While on the subject of spies, I spied upon this recently launched Airbus A380 double decker plane at Changi Airport last month. It does look bulky but it seems that its fabulous interior makes up for that extra girth. Here it is.

Holiday Shopping and Assassin's Creed breaks my heart

Time to celebrate! Its holiday season and its that time of the year when they release new games for PCs and Gaming consoles. So here I am to start my shopping with a wish list as long as the Santa's beard.

This year, I had a chance to get into the stores earlier than usual for my game shopping. Game shopping for me is what Oktoberfest is for Germans or any beer lover for that matter. So it seems to be for most of my gaming brethren. It was like a fest going on in the stores. Guitar Hero III seems to be the flavor of the season. Everyone queued up to play the demo setups in the stores. It indeed is a nice game with cool guitar like controls. Without a doubt, anyone would like it. No wonder everyone's shopping cart is filled with guitars (I mean game controls, fake but nevertheless).

Crysis was another game that was getting a lot of attention. Seems to be a good FPS. I must say that FPS games have come a long way since Quake or Doom. Halo 3 was also going strong. But I am not into FPS gaming. So I'd skip them anyday.

The one game I was looking forward to was "Assassin's Creed". And it was disappointing to find that the game was released only on XBox 360 and PS3. All I have is a wii and its not released for this platform. And the PC version is yet to be released, which I'm sure will not play on my antique desktop. Sux! After Prince of Persia series, this was one game I felt which had great artwork. And as the writers said, the environment was "Organic" which means that you can interact with non-play characters or at least there is an affect if you mess with NPCs. I just hope they release it on wii too :"(. Hope Santa listens to my prayers. I have been a good boy this year and even if I did slip up, I will make it up in the next. Santa puh-leeze!

Where does Mr. Bean get these funny ideas from?

I had taken a hiatus from blogging after someone reminded me that I was being verbose to the point of being ver"bore". Well, then this blog's not for them. Anyways, its one of those weeks again where I ended up traveling some miles. Quite a few miles that is. While doing so, I watched trailers of Mr. Bean's holiday which triggered me to think "where does this man get his darn funny ideas from?" Rowan Atkinson, for that matter, is a very serious individual. I realized that there was someone feeding him ideas. Later, I felt very pained to realize who it was. Me!!

I admit that I am a grumpy traveler. I'm surely not one of those lonely planet traveler kinda guys/gals who just keep smiling and narrating stuff to the camera even if the headhunters of Borneo are about to put them into a boiling cauldron to cook and eat them. And besides being grumpy I'm a perfect klutz. I never travel light, which means I never travel right. Over and above that, I shop while I travel. That's like a snowball collecting snow as it rolls downhill. Recipe for disaster. And then I create enough trouble for my fellow passengers whenever and wherever I can. So if you find me seated next to you, beware! Reminds of that episode in Seinfeld where Elaine's stuck in the coach class. So getting the idea? Mr. Bean, I mean?

The purpose of my travel was to attend one of those meetings where people come dressed up in perfectly cut business suits (no matter what the weather is) and have blackberries (or is it Blackberrys?) glued to their palms and ears. Unnerving. First of all, I don't dress like them because I don't like dressing like them. And I don't have a blackberry (that's because I can't afford it. And most of the emails I get are hate mails which I don't bother to reply, not that it matters). So imagine sitting in such a meeting with an open collar shirt and a sportcoat and no blackberry. Exactly. Embarrassing. You'd stand out like a cranberry, in a bunch of blackberrys. Verry verry un-berry like (bad pun but good rhyme. I'm tired of saying "sticking out like a sore thumb"). Anyways, it didn't end there. The meeting starts and as it is progressing, I end up finding that I have a nice little coffee stain on my sparkling white oxford shirt. What do I do? Being a guy given to his impulses, naturally, I start to rub it off with a tissue. I get so busy with this impromptu laundry that it takes me a while to realize that there is a dip in the conversation around me. I lift my head and see that everyone's staring at me or rather what I was doing to the stain. Seems that while I was busy, someone had directed a question at me. So now, I don't know the question, which implies that I don't know what to answer. Nice. I'd rather be joining those Borneo headhunters in their dinner ritual dance. You see where I'm getting at? Uh-huh. Mr. Bean again. And then, my mobile starts to ring. Earlier on, I was experimenting with the ringtones and had set the phone to play "Jingle bells" for incoming calls (purely a simple mistake. No relation to XMas). Speaking of which, I had forgotten to put the phone in silent mode. I'm sure Xmas came early for some this year but I'm also sure that I'll be left out of my boss's Xmas list. I'm glad that I still have my job. I don't know how much pain Detective Clouseau (of Pink Panther series fame) caused to his boss but mine sure looked like that he had shot himself in the foot by inviting me to that high level meeting. Note to self. Never ever clean your shirt while your phone plays jingle bells in a business meeting. And if you have a coffee stain on your sparkling white oxford, let it be. If you rub it, it just starts to spread like plague all over the white shirt.

So all said and done, I'm seriously considering to enroll myself as a writer to the Mr. Bean series. With the kind of things I get into, I won't run out of ideas for a long time. Might as well make some money out of being a dufus. Are you reading this, Mr. Atkinson?

Instant fame? Here cometh the comet 17P/Holmes

Its another full moon night which means the astrowolf in me has woken up and is baying for some night-sky watching. Actually, a full moon night is not a good time to watch the skies, but sometimes you don't have a choice. Added to this, the place I where stay has enough light pollution to discourage even the most ardent sky-watchers from looking up towards the heavens. I end up seeing a orange glow till late into the night. But there was some news this week that was positive enough to get my binoculars out.

A comet by name 17P/Holmes changed from a magnitude 17 to a magnitude 2 celestial object in a short span of a week. A quite unheard of phenomena in astronomy. So what's this magnitude thing? This is actually the scale of brightness based on which the stars and other sky objects are classified. The smaller the value of the magnitude the more the brightness. For example, the magnitude of our Sun is -26.7 and that of the moon is -12.7. Sirius or the Dog Star has a magnitude of -1.4. You get the point. In this case the brightening was enhanced by almost 400,000 times.

Astronomers are still pondering about this. Why should a comet that was faintly visible through a telescope suddenly brighten up so much that it could be seen with a naked eye? And with a pair of binoculars one could make out its tail and coma. Well, I am no scientist but I have an explanation for this. Its the 15-minute to fame thing. In a sky full of twinkling stars and other bright objects how can any John Star or John Comet make any place for itself? By becoming famous, of course. And how does one become famous? Through a lot of publicity in the right way (or sometimes the wrong way, too). Instant fame, that's the name of the game. Glitter in everyone's eyes. So Mr. 17P/Holmes who was just another Mr. 17P slash Holmes till last week, got tired of it and started to put some efforts into brightening up till he started got into everyone's eyes. But now everyone is talking about "the" 17P/Holmes. Quite an achievement, this. Mission accomplished. Maybe the comet took out a leaf from our earthlings' TV reality shows. Now everyone's talking about you till the time someone else upsets your applecart. I'd say one opportunity can be your ticket to fame. One missed opportunity means, wait for the next bus.

Putting my argument and speculation aside, if you have a chance, do watch the comet. Its visible in the skies even in areas where the light pollution is considerable. Its visible (Pic courtesy: Shigemi Numazawa) in the Perseus constellation a little left above Mars.

When its Amway, I'm away: Selling it to the wrong guy

The nine-days (or rather the nine-nights) of festival came to an end on a high note for me. It was fun to watch how different people celebrated it and how everyone had a time of their life. It was definitely much better than how it went for me last time (I was away working).

The only thing that left a bitter taste in my mouth though was a phone call that had me real fuming at the end of it. I am sure you might have heard of this multi-level marketing thing that's happening all across the globe. Yea, the same thing where you enroll yourself as a node and then evangelise the usage of that company's products to people who eventually become your nodes, pyramids, etc. Finally, you end up becoming some sort of a gem or metal (emerald, platinum, etc.) based on the number of people who are below you. This call was from one such aspiring gem (or metal).

People have to realize that not everyone has got the subtle art of sweet talking others into doing things which otherwise they wouldn't have dreamt of. In other words selling off things which the buyer would find no use of. I, for one, don't have this so called soft-skill. So why convince me to convince others? I get this call from this sweet voiced lady telling me about how to become a millionaire and eventually quit my present job. Perfect. What else would I love to do? But for me, since neither do I have a pleasing personality nor do I have a way with people (I've got the social skills and charisma rivaling only to that of a neanderthal to say the least) this is not my kinda job. I simply don't belong to that club of elite people who can make zillions by convincing ordinary folks into joining the organization and ask them keep using products which they don't want to.

I remember, a few months back, one of my friend who really went out of the way to be nice with me (he treated me out in a Malay restaurant on my birthday) and then cornered me into a situation (I sometimes cannot use the word "No" even if I am desperate.) where I had no choice but to attend a convention of like-minded individuals who belonged to such similar organization. He was gracious enough to give me a lift to the convention center. I entered this huge room in jeans and beach sandals only to find people dressed up to their neck in business formals. It was like being fully clothed on a nude beach. Trouble. I also heard a few sniggers from those business formals. Totally un-business formals like, I must say. And then I am asked to take a very uncomfortable chair right next to a lady who's cheering and clapping on everything the guy on the podium was talking about. So my cue was: clap when the lady claps and pretend as if you are listening, even if you are not. It was one of those tortuous 2.5 hours which tested my patience to the limit and then some. And all the while I was sticking out like a sore thumb. Unforgettable. The speaker was good, damn good, but I was simply disinterested and indifferent. Once the speeches and presentations were over, I had the "privilege" of meeting some of these individuals in Armanis and Men's Wearhouses. Everytime I met someone, I was invited to this even larger convention that would be held someplace else. I must say, to my own amazement, everytime I got invited, I managed to wriggle out of it. Everytime. I guess these presentations were actually helping me improve my soft skills. I was mastering the art of saying "No".

All this is not new to me. I have had invites and being cornered into such meetings and conventions at least half a dozen times in as many years. It seems to be a popular pastime for people with whom I interact in my line of work. I haven't been able to come out convinced at any point in time. Goes to prove that its just not my cup of tea.

So, in future, if someone comes to me selling Amway or whatever, it'll be time for me to pack my bags and head in the opposite direction. Good luck to all of you who have joined, and who'd like to join, but take my word for it I'm not your man. I'm a self-confessed social retard and for this crime, when I retire, I would try to live off what little I end up saving instead of regretting the lost opportunities you so nicely presented to me. And yes, I have read that amazing book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. It never worked (for me). I lose more friends than I make (social retard, remember?). So leggo of me.

From an am to a pro.. To Wii or not to Wii

Finally! After several agonizing but entertaining man hours (not to mention 3 days of sprained lower back) and several dead batteries later, I was able to achieve the status of a pro in tennis yesterday. In case you are wondering what I mean by dead batteries and a pro status, let me explain. I am talking about Wii Tennis on the Nintendo Wii. My Wii fitness age has also come down. Another super achievement. From a senile 64 (I didn't know that I was in such a bad physical shape. Scary!) to an amazing 32. I hope I can make it to 21 soon. The sprained back which I mentioned earlier was due to the fact that I tried some of those forehand shots with full vigor as if I was playing against Nadal. My fault completely. And another reason could have been that my back muscles never had to work this much ever. But that aside, the hours of fun the Wii's provided is almost the same as my other favorite, Railroad Tycoon 3. Super console.

Its been one whole month since I had this toy with me and I am not bored of it till date. That in itself speaks of volumes about this console. Usually, my attention span for anything that's new does not usually go beyond 2 hours starting from the time of purchase. At the time when I bought this game from Best Buy, I was not very sure about my decision and I was still wondering which one I should invest in. The choice was between XBox 360 or Nintendo Wii in that order. The PS3 was simply out of my budget. I had almost picked up the XBox. But the Wii was looking interesting from the reviews I had read. Also since I was moving (I was shopping while almost on my way to the airport), it was a less bulkier box to pick. The guy at the counter also promised that it would be money well spent on the Wii. If not I could always return it. But he was sure that I was not gonna return it. So I went ahead and bought it (patting myself that for the first time in my life I had bought something that had not crossed my budget). He was right. I'm not gonna return it. Money well spent. Every hour of Wii has been extremely rewarding. The Nunchuk remote is cool too! And I needn't vouch for it. Other gaming officionados have written pages and pages about it. I don't want to add any further.

So if you have a limited budget and you are not into gaming consoles like I am (I mean if you are not a hardcore gaming fan) and not an outdoor sportsperson like I am, nor an extrovert like I am, then I guess its the Wii for you. Trust me, everyone in your family will love it and you might have a hard time getting your hands on the Wii remote. Wii have come to play :)

Driving the point home vs. driving at home

Looks like the boffins of the McLaren Mercedes F1 Team read my blog last week. And may have been mighty upset with my views about F1 racing. Or it might be just sheer coincidence. Considering the number of people who read my blog (the count is 3 as of last time I checked, I, me and myself.) I think it might have been the latter. I switch on the TV and what do I see? McLaren team came up with a footage which compared a roadcar (Merc C-Class), a souped up roadcar (an AMG modified C-Class), a rally car (yet another Merc) and an F1 car to actually show how an F1 car is different from the normal cars we drive. The road car was driven by a lady who's a professional driver, the souped up version of the roadcar by the same guy who drives the safety car in front of the F1s when the safety flag is up. The rally car was driven by a professional race driver. Of course the F1 car was to be driven by Fernando Alonso. And the venue was the Silverstone Racetrack. The home of the McLaren. Did I mention that all the cars were either Mercedes or McLaren Mercedes or AMGs? Naturally! Top of the line in their categories. So what was the end result? The F1 car won the race by a full 15 seconds. This after starting a full 30 seconds after the first car drove off and then taking the mandatory pit stop too while the other drivers were sweating it out among themselves. The roadcar was beaten by a full 48 seconds. Awesome! And to drive the point home (on second thoughts, I think they did read my blog), Mr. Alonso said that sometimes people don't get the idea as to how powerful an F1 car is. Point noted, Mr. Alonso, with due apologies. My bad. F1 is serious racing and not just driving in circles. And if I had been one of the drivers, I'd have arrived at the finish line just about the time these drivers would be having their dessert after having a 3-course meal. After finishing the race, of course. Slowpoke.

Well, being a slowpoke is the order of the day here. Let me give an example. I commute to work by car. The total distance one way is 11 kilometers. Now on a normal work day, if I start at around 8:30 am, the average time I take to travel these 11 km is 35 minutes. Doing some math based on my school Physics formula which says speed is equal to the distance upon time, this works out to an average speed of just about 19 kmph. No, don't get me wrong. I'm not driving a 1940 vintage which has a habit of breaking down, its just that I'm driving in a city where the smallest of errand can turn out to be a massive exercise in patience and self-control. Its also a great memory class on how to cope up with bumper to bumper traffic at every red light without forgetting where you wanted to go in the first place. The traffic's unreal! There's a joke here that we are supposed to be wearing the seatbelts (mandatory as per the law) just in case someone dings your car or you bump into someone, your seatbelt will keep you tied down in the car and you won't get out stark raving mad and chase the perpetrator of the evil deed with a carjack or some such lethal weapon. Safety restraint system (SRS). So imagining myself performing well on a test track is a bit far-fetched. I wish I knew how to ride a bike. I could weave in and out of traffic just like that if I did ride a bike. My average speed might come upto 25 kmph. That's lightning speed for me. Unfortunately, that's one art I could never ever master. Maybe some day.

Ah! Here's October. Time to think.

Another month comes in bringing the thought that 2007 is passing by. Time flew for me this year. Lots of things happened during this time and they've left me with mixed feelings but richer in experience. After 3 years of hard work and not so much fun, I left my previous job and got into a new one. And ever since then, things have happened at such a breakneck speed that it took me a while to realize that I need to slow down and think. Yea, 'think'. That's an effort for me. Using my gray cells. But just as couch potatoes need some physical activity once in a while, so do people like me who treasure their brains and never use them. I need to jog it mentally once in a while.

So as a starting point, I picked up this book of puzzles published by Mensa. And that was the mistake I committed. It was the mental equivalent of climbing Mt. Everest in my regular Sunday gym gear (which consists of a track suit and a pair of sports shoes both of which I have never ever used for the purpose they were bought). It was devastating. The puzzles remained puzzles. And to be honest, when I tried to cheat, the solutions in the last page were incomprehensible too. Doh! Homer Simpson would be proud of me.

But I did not lose heart. I picked up my daily newspaper and started to do the daily crossword. Another big mistake. I pride myself to be an acrostics enthusiast but I hadn't tried one in ages. I am now eagerly waiting for tomorrow's paper for the crossword's solution. I am clueless and I haven't filled even a single cell.

Now I need to figure out where to start. Probably I should start where it all started. Right about the time when I got this silly thought that I need to slow down and start using my grey (or is it gray) cells. I should just stop thinking about it. In fact I should stop thinking. I will just watch the Formula I Shanghai Grand Prix where the cars will just keep going in circles till the time someone feels enough is enough and waves a flag (a flag that reminds me of a crossword. Aargh!) to say the race is over and some chap is declared a winner. Well, as the last year's champ Fernando Alonso commented, even the winners are declared off the track. So what's the use of watching the race to see who wins? Non sequitur. Logically speaking its highly illogical. I will just go to sleep. Now that's a good thought! Looks like my head's not lost its edge after all. Before I close, a change of topic. Check out the lines of the new Infiniti Q37 coupe. Jeez! whattacar! Cool design. The caption says "Intensity captured. Patience rewarded". Nice.

If I owned a 599 GTB Fiorano

Redhead that breathes fire. From Testarossa to Fiorano. Ferrari's been coming up with new breed of thoroughbreds from its stables year on year. Just saw one on TV. The 599 Gran Turismo Berlinetta Fiorano or simply the 599 GTB Fiorano. So why am I writing about it? Am I an auto journo? Nope. Have I ever driven one of these? Nope. Have I ever even seen one in flesh? About some years back when I had been to Sydney, Australia, I had seen the F360 Maranello in an auto expo (see the pic). That's when I saw a Ferrari in flesh and blood for the first time. But what about 599 GTB? Umm.. nope. So why waste my time on it? I don't know. Ever since I got my Mattel 1:18 scale model of the legendary Lamborghini Countach (I've never seen a car like that since), I started following cars. Mind you, those were the days when there were no good and affordable car mags in India. With my meagre pocket money, I could not even afford those cool posters in Archie's. For a long time, my schoolmates used to think that Ferrari and Lamborghini were names invented by my imagination. No kidding.

I like cars. Period. People have given me names which were not so flattering behind my back for being a car nut. But then that's part of growing up. Their growing up, I mean. Anyways, for a car nut I'm a pretty lousy driver. My driving skills swerve from ultra careful to a downright angry road-rager which causes me to do silly things. I'm trying to downplay the road rage part these days. I did talk about how to avoid road rage previously in one of my posts about coming back home. One day, if I end up owning a car that is now just a poster in my room, for real, then I'll have to be careful not to ding it. So bye-bye road rage.

Back to where I was. Truth be told, I might never ever drive a super car and might not even know how its insides look like, but from what little I've seen of the Fiorano, it is a work of art and then some. Every handbuilt piece really stands out in flamboyance that is typical of anything Italian. And it has a mighty heart (and brains), which is a 6 liter (5999 cc) engine. Huge. Massive. For a berlinetta, I mean a two-seater. Nice. Well, that's exactly why its a supercar and is so mighty exclusive. The more I read about it, the more I like it. Can't imagine what'd happen if I saw it for real. Probably, I'll go on a bank-robbing spree till I get enough hard cash to book one or get booked by the Policia in the process. I will certainly think up of something. Probably, I would form a team of suave heistmeisters a la Danny Ocean (of the Ocean's Eleven fame) and rob some Casinos. Probably.

But what would I do if I actually had enough to buy one and actually bought one? Tough question (I'm finding my own questions difficult to answer today. Strange but not unusual. I normally didn't have answers to the Math quizzes I used to take in school and college.). Would I drive one right out of the Fiorano test track? I would. But only after my hands stopped shaking. That would take one whole hour to happen. And in the meantime, if didn't drop the keys in my excitement (hope it comes with a wallet key option), I certainly would. Butterfingers! And then once I finally drove it home to its humongous garage (here, I'm stretching my imagination. A guy who can buy a car like that should have a humongous garage.) in a chateau in France, I'd pull a chair and sit beside it and watch the beauty for a long long time. Einstein explained his Theory of relativity like this: spend hours of time chatting with a beautiful girl and it'd be like time flew and you'd be left wondering where all that time went. However, spend time with something you are least interested in and even seconds would seem like hours. In my case, those hours in the garage would be the Einstein's example of the one with the beautiful girl. I'd fly the best gas/petrol from wherever they make the best gas/petrol and use it. I'd buy the best coolant and engine oil in the world for those 12 cylinders. I've heard that there's this guy who charges 5000 pound sterling (per wash) for washing cars and he does only supercars for rich clientele. I'd hire him to clean mine. What else? Oh yes! once a month when the weather's right and the roads were driveable (which is between 1 am and 4 am here) I'd wake up in the middle of the night and take it out for a spin. Or once every summer I would fly it out to Nurburgring and drive round the track a dozen times, each and every day of that summer. Or I'd ship it in my 90-foot custom yacht (another small stretch of my imagination) to Monaco and go for a drive in the Alps around the Principality's Casino Royale. Well, that's what life in the fast lane's all about. And once every year when Scuderia Ferrari came up with a new model, I'd reserve one for my stables. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams. Sigh! But one thing's for sure, if I owned a car like that, I wouldn't be writing this post. I simply wouldn't have the time to sit on my futon and type away my imagination. Enough.

Ever since the Renaissance happened, Italians have become highly expressive about their art and engineering (and of course, football). Good for them. And good for us. All those supercars they make let you dream about your career. With just a simple dream to own one, you end up working that much harder (I don't know if its working in my case). Otherwise, questions like "What makes me get up and go to work everyday?" plague me every now and then. And every now and then I get this vision and the answer flashes, "Son, for the very reason that some day you've gotta own one of those beauties. Or maybe several of them." Some day. That's gonna be One mighty fine day.

Using wrong proverbs at the right time

Lots of times as a part of my job, I need to make decisions right on the spot. Think on my feet. Though these are not the kind of decisions that'd change the world or have an earthshattering impact, they're quick decisions nevertheless. And I need to back them up after they're made. Otherwise they'd be just barefaced lies. So in such cases should I think about the proverb, "Think twice before you leap"? I don't know. I did try it once but then people felt that I was dragging my feet.

Another proverb which I constantly find myself at loggerheads is "Fools rush in where wise men fear to tread." Come on! Isn't there something that goes like "Nothing ventured, nothing dared, nothing gained"? So should I go where no man has gone before or be a wise man and keep my feet on dry terra firma? Well, then, the world be a lot less exciting.

So what about "Slow and steady wins the race"? One thing I can always claim for sure in my short life is that I'm steady. And supremely slow. But these are the exact things which made sure that I never won any races. Right from the time when I used to participate in school athletics. I used to get disqualified in the selections itself. Our Physical Training instructor once told me, "son, if you have a choice between running for your life or surrendering, don't even think twice. Just surrender. Will save everyone a lot of time. Which would be approximately 5 seconds. You won't cover a yard before you'll be outpaced." So should I still believe in this proverb?

"Speech is silver, silence is golden." Of course. But not when I'm standing on a podium and a hundred pair of eyes are focussed on me expecting me to speak. Lots of times, I had never been able to score in interviews (in the earlier part of my career days) because I used to lose my voice, and my mind. So I used to end up being mum or just speak gibberish. Neither helped. That's when I decided to opt for the silver club. Its been paying me rich dividends unlike silence. I'm yet to see gold in it.

So where does that leave me? Confused and totally out of focus. I need to re-visit Aesop's fables and see where I stand. Or probably Aesop's fables might have to be re-edited so that dumb crumbs like me don't fall for them. Anybody tried it?

Of course one proverb/saying I'd always swear by is "A picture is worth a thousand words." A thousand unspoken, unthought words. And yes, another one, "Well begun is half done." Heh heh. Since this article was not well begun, its pretty much... done. So till next time..

Rains everywhere...

What a season! Rains flooding this part of the world and people once again complaining that the administration is being ignorant/clueless about it. Not so long ago the very region that was supposed to have the scantiest rainfall next only to the Thar region is now inundated with water and its predicted to rain till December. Another strange phenomena. Usually rains dwindle down by September end or October beginning. Global Warming, I suppose. People are clueless. Isn’t administration also comprising of the same people? No wonder they’re clueless too if I may use the induction logic.

And the Electricity Department which always complains that it can only give so much power because the hydroelectric plants are shut down (due to lack of water levels in the reservoirs) cut the power the moment there’s a hint of rain. Reason? Falling wires might be a hazard. Agreed. Last known, the hydroelectric plants are still shut down due to maintenance. They had not foreseen such rainfall and so had left the turbines and other machinery to rust. Now since its raining heavens, they have started to work on these power generators and plan to generate some extra electricity. Hope they start before the rain stops.

Well, while all this is going on and we get bombarded by images of widescale flooding on TV, things seem to take a down turn for me. Rains excite me and also depress me. The starting of the rainy season is always exciting. I missed it this time. But I haven’t missed rain much after I returned. It just continues to drizzle at least for half hour everyday. Depressing. The roads are bad enough to drive. Depressing. You would require an off-roader to drive through them because there are no roads. Depressing. There is a spread of diseases everywhere and I can’t eat on the roadside stalls anymore. Yea, yea, depressing. What a pity! Wish we could do something about it. I can’t control rainfall but at least I could ask the people who tax me build better roads. Why can’t roads be built that can last for some years? Why do they have to be dug up every few days? Don’t think I’m asking these questions like a moron who doesn’t know anything about roads or road construction. I’m a Civil Engineer by qualification and I had specialized in Transportation Engineering. And I have seen other countries where the climate is harsher but the roads are just lovely to drive on no matter what the season is. As a concerned citizen can I do something more than question the government or cuss the government for not doing anything? That’d be mocking my own inability and cussing myself. The government’s been elected by democracy and I was a part of this democratic system. So I guess I should stay put at home and keep checking my mail and add to my blog or keep reading back issues of Top Gear which I had missed while I was away. At least the cars look nice in pics. Which reminds me. I should get my car serviced. Poor thing, it has had a tough time with all my driving in the potholed roads. I’m sure its gonna cry one day and plead for mercy.

Ah! Rains! You’ve overstayed your welcome. You’d been late this year like any true Indian. But make sure you’re on time next year. Ciao.

Highway to the Danger Zone

Have you heard the song Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins? It goes something like this:

Revvin' up your engine Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension Beggin' you to touch and go
Highway to the Danger Zone
Ride into the Danger Zone
Headin' into twilight Spreadin' out her wings tonight
She got you jumpin' off the track
And shovin' into overdrive Highway to the Danger Zone
I'll take you Right into the Danger Zone

Its nice to be back in your hometown. For better or for worse. Since the last time I was here, the traffic’s just got a little bit more stressful. The rainy season’s here which means that the roads will be more tough to ply through. That adds to the stress. Probably, it’s the same for everyone. So how do you vent out your stress on the road?

Let me think of some things I keep trying out:

* Don’t give way to others and revel in the small victory you’ve just achieved. Now the other guy will be stressed out, shouting out his lungs at you. See? Its simple. And terribly contagious. I try not to do this but I end up doing it one out of five times.

* Keep chatting with someone beside you. So that the conversation will absorb the stress off you. If you have a pretty face sitting right next to you, wow! that’ll be an added bonus. But of course, there is every chance of getting distracted. Traffic hazard. So try at your own risk.

* Never glare at someone if he makes you shift to a lower gear or makes your car come to a grinding halt. Just grin and bear and listen to a music that you’re gonna karaoke with.. It works wonders.. Wear shades to cover those ugly glares.

* Use cuss words if you’re alone.. But make sure you’ve your windows rolled up. People have been killed for lesser crimes.

* Pedestrians can cross the road anywhere. So just make sure that you’ve your eyes peeled for them.

* Try to avoid on mobile yakking. It helps. One hand on the steering, the other on gearstick and the mobile cradled on your shoulder and chin.. Trouble. Nay. Recipe for disaster.

* Don’t stare at the back of a girl riding a two-wheeler. Nope.. no siree.. might be a sight for sore eyes but could cause enough grief later.

* Teenagers have the right to act as Vin Diesel in “The fast and the furious”. So you better be Paul Walker and use your nitro sparingly. No point in getting jailed when you’re an undercover cop. Vin Diesel was cool but Paul Walker was cooler.. and he got the chick too.

* If someone scrapes your car, that’s your fault because you entered the traffic at your own risk. The cops are not gonna help. They’re just overworked and underpaid and see these things everyday. So, better get your insurance out rather than foulmouth the guy.

* Drive a small car. Size matters. The smaller the better. See how cute the iPod shuffle and Nano are no matter how nice the regular iPod looks. You like your mobile to be lightweight, your iPod to be light so why need a big and heavy car?
Well that’s how it is.. and of course, avoid getting onto the streets if you can. It’s a dangerous world out there.

So, its nice to be back home. Provided you don’t venture into those danger zones. If you've got something to add, you're welcome to do so.

Highway to the Danger Zone
Ride into the Danger Zone, Danger Zone, Danger Zone..

Till next time..

Back home…

After being away for 3 months, I’m back home. Whew! What a journey it was. And no stewardesses sharing their troubles with me in Changi. Well, who cares! Its nice to be back. Home sweet home. But it was a tough thing to overcome the jet lag. For some strange reason, I sleep early and get up early now. My biological clock has to be reset just like my Omega Constellation (hmm.. who am I kidding?.. its actually a Timex bought on a Thanksgiving Day sale). And I didn’t have any lost baggage issue like some other passengers did. That’s pure luck. The Airlines was nice enough to help them out. So all in all my flight was uneventful. But it was raining when I stepped out of the airport. Puddles of rainwater everywhere. Welcome back.

But its been fun since I returned. I had picked up the cool Nintendo Wii on my way to the airport and man! was it worth every cent I spent! The games are so cool.. This is the first gaming console I had and I just love it. And the great thing is that you get some exercise while playing it. At least it seems so. My hand still hurts after that brutal tennis game I played. Need to pick up some gentler game like Wii Golf.

Sum total: Wii’s a winner. So one thing off my wish list.

And miles to fly...

I wish it were just another normal Sunday I woke upto. The moment my dream broke and I opened my eyes, I saw myself sitting in this cramped seat with a constant hum that bordered on a drone around me. There was a dim light coming from somewhere and it was hurting my eyes. Was I in one of those famous interrogation chambers behind the Iron Curtain that I used to read about in those cold war thrillers a long time back? I certainly am not a super secret spy, no sir, not even in my dreams. And I don’t look like one so that the secret police will book me and haul me into such a terrifying place. And my imagination is not that great. I blinked and it took me a moment to realize that I was in an aircraft that was doing the night-time crossing of the Pacific. No wonder, I had such thoughts crossing my simple mind. Anyone who’s traveled economy class in an international trip will know how difficult it is to sleep in the aircraft and how extra difficult it is to keep oneself charged-on to catch the connecting flight. Probably, its always the destination that keeps you ticking till the time you finally arrive. Especially, when you’re heading home after a long time. The odd hours of boarding, departures, in-flight meals, the long waits for the connections, the extra rigid security checks, etc., become a killjoy for such travels. And I’m enduring one of them now. And that too right after my packing fiasco which I had mentioned earlier on. The airline I’ve been condemned to travel is Singapore Air. Mind you, it’s a good airline to travel with. But no matter how good an airline is, the only way to travel is either First-Class or Business Class for such long journeys. Any other class lower than those is sheer punishment. Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine gets to travel in economy while Jerry gets an upgrade and gets to travel in the Business Class where he he has a seat right next to this blonde leggy model. I was in Elaine’s position, not Jerry’s. Not even remotely.

So, here I am stuck at Changi Int’l airport (that world famous airport of Singapore) for the next 7 hours after traveling 16 hours non-stop sitting in a middle seat of the economy class (see above, in case you missed). One positive thing though was that the seat was next to the emergency exit. So I could stretch my legs without bumping my knees into the back of the passenger seat in front of me. Oh! And yes, another positive thing that I almost forgot to mention. The cabin crew jumpseats were bang opposite my aisle. Just before landing or taking off, a couple of young and pretty stewardesses in those pretty sarong kinda attires used to come and buckle themselves up in these seats and would try to look everywhere but at me. My pleasure. I could stare at them unabashedly without being noticed and I did so. For all practical purposes I was invisible to them. I could have made faces at them and they wouldn’t have even blinked. Hollow Man. C’est la vie. You need to make out the best out of any situation. They sure were a sight for my tired, sleepy and very sore pair of eyes. And I certainly was not for them, from their point of view. Note to self. Ask out an airline stewardess for a date sometime. You will get access to some pretty (no pun intended) company. I never can fathom how they can remain fresh as a daisy even after such long flights and that too after tirelessly helping a never-happy, unendingly dissatisfied bunch of passengers. My sincere compliments to them. Probably it’s the make-up. Anyways, while I was not having the pleasure of their company (3 minutes before take-off and 3 minutes before landing, overall a measly 12 minutes in a 16 hour flight), I tried to sleep most of the stretch so that I can avoid the jet lag. Trust me, it’s a difficult thing to do when there’s a 6-month old infant in the next aisle, who for every 10-second interval realizes that this is not her home and the only way she expresses her displeasure is by crying out hoarse. As I said, the next connection is after 7 hours. This will be a 5-hour long flight before I finally can say that I reached home. I just hope I get the same kinda seat. Minus the infant.

Meanwhile, what do I get to do during this time? I will be roaming around the duty free shops in the intransit lounge like Tom Hanks did in The Terminal. Beautiful movie, wasn't it? Made more beautiful for me by the very charming Ms. Catherine Zeta-Jones as a stewardess having a rough patch in her life. Hope a stewardess like that finds my company interesting in these 7 hours. Yea, right! Wishful thinking. Thankfully, Changi’s a good airport to walk around. I’d say its like walking in a decent shopping mall provided you are just window shopping. Also thanks to the free Internet lounge I get to spend some time writing, editing, revising and then re-writing, re-editing, re-revising and then finally publishing this new entry in my blog. This will take care of the next 15 mins. After that, what? Look out for some pretty faces, I suppose, as I walk around the terminal. Changi, here I come.

How do you drink a $75.00 per lb. Tea?

Carefully. Very carefully. If I had my hands on it then I’d dry the tea leaves after use to re-use them. But then that’s me. I am a type of guy who tries to preserve his dead presidents like the way the ancient Egyptians preserved (mummified) their dead pharaohs for eternity.

One of my colleagues orders this exotic tea from China which costs her a fortune per pack. Around $75.00 per pound. And to flaunt the exclusivity, the tea bag displays your name stating, “Lydia’s Tea prepared by so and so.”, that is, if your name is Lydia. What’s so special about this tea? For starters, if you put your hands in the bag and try to pick one of the tea leaves, you won’t get a usual burnt, processed and a very delicate strand of tea leaf. Instead, you’ll get a ball that looks more like a pepper seed than a tea leaf. To top it all the ball smells more like a flower and less like tea. In this case, a jasmine flower. For a guy who thinks who knows his tea, this was mighty strange. My patient colleague explained that this is a handrolled tea leaf ball which covers a seed of jasmine. I've heard of handrolled Cuban cigars but handrolled tea leaves? Whoa! that stretching things a bit too far! Why? So that the tea will have an additional fragrance of jasmine. So when you put a teaspoon of this tea in hot water you will not just smell the tea but also the fragrance of jasmine. Which means that while drinking tea you can also think of a pretty girl. Which means that if you have cold, better keep the tea bag sealed. And the tea if it has to be sipped (and not just smelled), should be drunk with hot water (optimum temperature unknown at the time of writing this article...) without any sugar or milk. Any impurity (such as milk or sugar) spoils the delicate flavor. Any tea which does not have lots of milk and lots of sugar spoils my taste. That’s one more good excuse for me to keep away from it. Anyways, it seems that they can prepare this special bag of tea in almost all the natural flavors available and while shipping, put your name (like the engraving on iPods, I suppose) on the tea bag. Amazing. So how would I drink this tea? I suppose I wouldn’t. I’d stay away from it. Or I'd steal the tea bag from a discerning tea drinker and demand a king's ransom in exchange. I value my dead presidents.

P.S. Tea connoisseurs, yes, you can order this tea on the internet.

A fitting finale..

What an end to a long weekend it was..!! I was looking forward to a nice, quiet and a lazy Monday to relax from all that cleaning. That is when I get this voicemail from my friend on Sunday evening inviting me to come to his alma mater at San Luis Obispo. And to do that, I had to cancel a whole bunch of appointments on Monday. My busy Monday appointment calendar ran thus:

Mon, Sep 3, 2007
11:59 am: Good morning! Start of a brand new day
Noon – 2:00 pm: Hunt for breakfast (or lunch..)
2:00 – 7:00 pm: Siesta Time (do not disturb hours)
7:00 – 9:00 pm: Dinner, TV, more TV
9:05 - … : zzzzzz

After much contemplation and mulling over, I asked my assistant (yea right!) to cancel my appointments for the 3rd. I woke up at an unearthly hour of 7:00 am (gee! Even the sun looks sleepy at that hour) the next day to travel 200 miles down south to some place called San Luis .. umm.. something. I got the “Obispo” part much later. Never knew that a city could have a first name, a middle name and a last name just like humans do. Talk about cities having a character of their own.

Well, the trip wasn’t disappointing as such. I got to taste the Mansaf (its a special dish of Jordan often prepared as a sign of honor for guests (me, me…!!). Made from lamb served atop a bed of rice and yogurt sauce, the dish is served family style.) at my friend’s aunt’s. And the baklava too. Interesting cuisines. Left a nice taste in the mouth.

So that took care of the food. So what else made it interesting? The weather. The sun, the sea and the beaches!! For a city with a quirky name, the place is surrounded by some nice seaside spots. If the water was as green (as in emerald/turquiose) as the Mediterranean, I wouldn’t be surprised if people felt that they were on the Riviera. As we drove, the coastline was ridden with cliffs and rocks with narrow coves for beaches.. Amazing!! The place can be easily listed as one of the most beautiful spots on this planet. There’s this beach called the Avila (nice name!) Beach which is popular with the College community of the area. So it was a hotspot for hot girls in two piece swimsuits, hot guys in speedos and some not so hot guys (I could only spot one, me.) in a pair of jeans and a tee.

The best part was walking up a cliff which has a sheer face dropping 400 ft into the sea. Let me make one thing clear here, I am scared of heights. Heights do a number in my tummy which makes it vibrate like a tuning fork till I end throwing up. It was a hair-raising moment to walk up the rock and peer straight down into the sea below (no wonder, I’m still having a bad hair day today). As I write this, my tummy’s on vibrate mode already. Some guts. Did I mention that I was scared of heights (and lizards, and roaches, etc)?

Then there was this other place by name Morro Bay. A fisherman’s village with a natural harbor. Quite nice too. Reminded me of a fishing village I had seen in Mass(ah-choo-setts. I always catch a bad cold there). In fact, it reminded me of the place in Scotland that Alistair MacLean wrote about in When Eight Bells Toll. There’s this mountain of a rock (called Morro Rock or something like that) which juts out and sits right in front of the harbor like a Colossus guarding Rhodes from the sea. When I took the pic on the left, the fog had enveloped the rock, making it misty (and mysterious). The setting sun behind the mist was a shadow of its former self. Incredible! And it looked cool too. Nice place to go to if you are a fish-and-chips guy and would like to watch the sunset and the sea-lions while you’re munching on your seafood. Anyways, the setting sun reminded that it was time to head back home for a 200 mile return trip. I just wished I could stay back. A weekend to remember… and a fitting finale. San Luis Obispo.. po be po be po. Sorry, Frank (Sinatra).

Note to self. Changes to calendar:

Mon, Sep 3, 2007
6:59 am: Good morning! Start of a brand new day
9:00 am - noon: Drive to SLO
Noon – 5:00 pm: Beaches, cliffs, beaches
5:30 – 6:30 pm: Dinner
7:00 - 8:00 pm: More beaches
8:30 pm: Drive back home and zzzzz

Tue, Sep 4, 2007
7:00 am - 9:00 pm: Out Sick

Dude, Clean up!

Have you seen that new Radio Shack Back to School (Dude, clean up) commercial? Sweet. One of the many chores I had reserved for this long weekend was to clean up my pad (aaarrrgh!). I’m moving out of here the coming weekend. And the commercial explains my lifestyle and how! Every morning on my way out, I used to make a resolve to myself that I’d clean up in the evening before I switched on the TV. Never happened. So here I am discovering that there’s more stuff to throw than a normal U-Haul truck could carry. And I’ve got more stuff to pack than I can fit in my big suitcase. That’s Plan A. Fit all that stuff into one suitcase. If that doesn’t work, I will resort to the oldest way to pack, that’s Plan B, just throw in the stuff into the suitcase and sit on it while I try to zip it up. Hope that works. If that does not help either, then I guess its Plan C - last option. I will have to shop for a new suitcase. Desperate situations call for desperate measures.

So, while I was doing all this cleaning, I came across these areas of carpet where I had never set my foot on. Clean as a whistle and soft as the day it was laid. It felt so nice for the feet to sink in into these virgin areas where no man had ever stepped before. Now I know how Louis (or was that Neil?) Armstrong felt when he set foot on the Moon. One small step and a giant leap in podiatric comfort. The next area in the list to clean up is the bathroom.... Tricky area. I am not sure how in the world I’m going to do that without rubber gloves and pine sol. Thankfully, the kitchen’s clean ‘cuz I could never cook anything that’s not microwaveable. Some comfort.

Lesson? I’ve made a resolve to myself that in the new place, I am not gonna leave those Subway foot-long wrappers on the floor, CDs on the coffee table, CalTrain tickets on the dresser or any such thing. Period. Note to self, "Dude! Clean UP!"

Start of the long weekend

Another long weekend and absolutely no plans! And that's how I'd love to plan it. It felt good to wake up around elevenish and glance out of the window only to see people walking their dogs. Of course, perfect weather to do so. What can I say about them? Sleep for some is a luxury they cannot afford :-) But not for me. Especially after a busy week at work (yea, I think someone put a spell on my free time after what I had mentioned in my last blog. It was a g-r-i-n-d on Thursday and Friday). And, on Thursday, after a hard day's work, it was great to watch James Blake and Fabrice Santoro battle it out in the US Open. A thriller of a five-setter with the match swinging either ways every set. I hope the rest of the matches are like that this year. I'm looking forward to spend the rest of the weekend watching the tournament. One downside though, the TV channel has put Burn Notice off the air for 2 weeks till the US Open gets over :-( I really wish they hadn't done that. The adventures of Michael Westin are just starting to get interesting. Came as a rude shock when the TV channel put the ad and said that the series had been put off for the tourney. I don't know how many of you will agree with me but its a well conceived plotline with a great narration. Well, you get to win some and lose some. The Monk has been going downhill this season.

Anyways, while these past few months have been relatively cool for me, I've ended up putting some undisclose-able amount of lipids around my already bulging equator (simply put, I've become fatter!! Oh, how I hate saying that). I've made a resolve to burn them out. What better way to do it but by grabbing a can of coke (no diet coke for me) and surfing the internet for weight loss programs? All you have to do is type Weight Loss in Google search bar and you will get an obscene number of programs telling you to do this or to do that. Probably, the only way they succeed to do that is by lightening up your wallet. I think its time that Google trimmed down the search algorithm for a good weight loss program. Coming back to my point, before the coke can was half empty, I came across this great site (hold on and read further, before you point fingers at me and accuse me of advertising for someone) for tracking your diet and daily regimen. Its a government initiative and really seems to be promising. Looks like even the government is worried about me getting overweight. Anyways, before I forget, the site is http://www.mypyramidtracker.gov/ (run by U.S. Dept. of Agriculture). Exploring it gave me quite a few new insights into the kind of food I'm supposed to be taking versus the food I've been taking so far. And what a real exercise is compared to my idea of workout (which is, in case if you are wondering, a 15-minute slow walk everyday after lunch to shake off my guilt of having a bag of "koorly (curly) fries" and a big burger). So if you are not planning for any crash diets like me, and want to shed your pounds/kgs surely but gradually, then you can find some good inputs on this site. I'm gonna start on my WL program after this weekend is over. In the meantime, I will grab that bag of non-fat chips (they taste yuck!) and get back to the TV to watch the US Open. Its 40-0 set and matchpoint for the calories in the match starring calories vs. me. Er... my bad. But I'm gonna make it a tiebreak. At least!!

Games I love to play on a rainy day

In my free time, when I've not planned on anything, I usually end up playing games on my PC (I never had a gaming console like PS2 or XBox. But the wide selection of PC games never made me miss them, though now I'm planning to save for the super cool Nintendo Wii :-) ). My entry into first-hand PC gaming was in 2002 when I got a laptop of my own. Before that, the only games I knew were solitaire and minesweeper that came (and still come) bundled with MS Windows. I started with Age of Empires on my laptop (I got the game CD because it was on sale. I was not aware that it was a cult classic by that time.) and have been a fan of this and a whole bunch of other PC games ever since. If I had to list down my favorites out of the dozen games I have, they'd be:

Adventure/Action: Sid Meier's Pirates, Thief 3: Deadly Shadows, Prince of Persia
Strategy: Railroad Tycoon 3, Age of Empires (Conquerors expansion pack)
Puzzle Solving/Adventure: The secret of the Monkey Island, Indiana Jones

Why do I rate them top in my list? Let me explain...

Thief 3: Deadly Shadows

When I first heard about this game, I had a feeling that this was one of those routine games that comes out with a promising name but ultimately disappoints. I had not heard of Thief 1 or 2. I am a fan of movies that belong to the heist and mystery genre. So it was a no-brainer that I was looking out for a game with similar plots. So, since I was having a lean period (read that as loads of spare time), I had nothing to lose and bought the game just because I liked the name. But when I tried to install it, the game would not run because my PC’s graphics card was not capable of supporting the game's graphics (Grrrr!!!). It cheesed me off and I tossed the game box onto my overloaded bookshelf-cum-JAA (junk accumulation area). It was another 3 months before I got a new graphics card (ATI Radeon 9500) and had it installed. One of the first things I did after installing the card was to install Thief. The whole reason for investing in a graphics card was to play this game. I had lost interest in the game after ignoring it for so long, but when I saw the opening tutorial I was hooked to the game.

As the play progressed, the settings, the environment, the layout and the stealth tactics got really cool. To top that, the game had an eerie aura to it. Gothic architecture in the city, the cobbled streets with menacing soldiers on the watch. And since you played a thief, you never ventured into daylight. So the night streets with shadows and dark spaces became more menacing and spooky at times. Garrett, the title character has this uncanny power to merge into the shadows but then again he's human too. You got to use your stealth capabilities to fight soldiers, zombies and other creatures of the dark. And there's this suspense that built up as you progressed in the game. Anything more would spoil the fun. Arguably, this is one of the best games I’ve ever played so far. If you are a fan of adventure and stealth games I strongly recommend this game for your collection.

My rating: ****/*****

Sid Meier's Pirates (Live the life!)

Another game I got bitten by after I saw the graphics. When I'm playing a game, my main focus is not only on the plot but also the graphics. I hate playing a game with a great plot but which has graphics that suck.

Pirates was one such game which fulfilled both my requirements. Well, almost. Though the plot was not as in-depth as I would've liked (hey! you can't have the cake and eat it too.) the graphics were really cool. Added to that, the battles with the swordfights and strategic plundering of towns, though similar in nature, give a great twist to the game. And the fun doubles when you hunt for treasures buried by other Pirate captains :-). The kind of map clues and leads you get in town taverns and through Governors' daughters, amazing!! I especially liked the way the hero ages as the game progresses. You really end up living the life of a goodhearted but wronged swashbuckler. And the other good thing about it is, the blood and gore normally associated with action/adventure games is thankfully missing.

If you ever wanted to play a game that should not strain you much but at the same time entertain you, this one is a must. You can select various options and keep playing for hours together and sometimes the game brings a smile on your face without you even knowing about it..

Probably, if I get more time on my hands (I've plenty of that on my hands these days), I'll write about the other games I like in my next blog.

My rating: ****/*****

My experience on working towards OCP in Oracle E-Business Suite 11i Supply Chain Management Consultant

[I had cleared the final paper of this exam in May 2007 with Procurement as the main path. Though I had an experience of almost 3 years working in Oracle Applications Manufacturing, it was not an easy exam for me to take. As most of you might know by now, the OCP exam for SCM Consultant has 3 papers. The details are given in the official site. The certification path also includes a mandatory classroom training apart from clearing 3 papers before finally getting there.]

Prep Time (Paper wise):
Paper I: 2 weeks (1 week rigorous). Familiarity level: 4 on a scale of 10
Paper II: 2-3 weeks. Familiarity level: 7 on a scale of 10
Paper III: 4-5 weeks. Familiarity level: 4 on a scale of 10
Overall: 8-10 weeks

What to refer: Oracle Inventory and Oracle Purchasing Student's Guides (11i), Oracle Inventory and Oracle Purchasing User's Guides (11i), Hands-on practise on Vision Demo Database 11i

When I decided to take this exam (March 2007), there was absolutely no information on the net available to work on with. Added to this was the $95 (Paper I), $195 (Paper II) and $195 (Paper III) fees which made things worse. I could not afford to flunk any of the papers. Otherwise, I'd end up paying twice for a re-take. Despite this, there was a strong reason for my decision to take the cert. exam so early (just as it went into production). At that point I had some free time on my hands and I wanted to make the best possible use of it before I got busy again.

The first and foremost hurdle I faced was the EBS 11i essentials (1Z0-200: 11i E-Business Suite Essentials for Implementers). Though I had worked on reports and forms in my own small way when I was a developer, I was not familiar with the Sys Admin, DBA and workflow concepts. The best material for this was the sys admin student's guide which I was able to borrow from one of my friends who let's say, had access to it.

The student's guide really proved to be of great help. A rigorous one-week two hour per day study schedule after office hours worked wonders. I am sure if I had not done this, there was every chance I'd have flunked. So the best place to start for this exam is the Student's Guide if available. The workflow and sys admin questions were essentially lifted straight out of this book. One sad thing about this though is that I'm where I was before after the exam with regard to the fundamentals. I would not be able to practically apply the stuff I learnt from the Student's Guide. My prep was purely from exam point of view.

One down, two to go.

The 2nd paper (1Z0-221: Oracle Inventory Management 11i Fundamentals) was more in my league as I had been working in the functional side. Here though the thought was that you can pass this exam directly using the official Student's Guide, I felt otherwise. One has to have a good knowledge about the basics of Oracle Inventory which includes hands on practice. This is what I realized while I was taking this exam. Mind you, I did not have the Student's Guide for Inventory which I got access to much after. My advice in this regard is, use the User's Guide as the starting point:

* Check the fundamentals of Inventory in the User's Guide (Chapter 2 - Setting up)
* Concept of Subinventories
* Concept of Locators* Concept of Lots and Serials (especially from point of view of Inv Transactions)
* Concept of Item Key Flexfield
* Organizations (Master and Child) and Org Parameters* Planning - Min-max - Reorder Point Planningand the rest of the stuff..

Also, if you have the student's guide, do use it but don't completely depend on it. It is a good indicator of the syllabus and what to cover, but not comprehensive.

The questions mostly are like mini case studies which make you think and sometimes you will need to use the sheet to jot down the problem summary. And yes, there can be more than one correct answer. Once you put it on paper, its really easy to visualize where the question is getting to.

For instance, a sample question would go like this:
A company XYZ wants to set up Oracle Inventory with the following requirements. The item part number should contain the information such as item type, item number, and item serial information. How would you help the company design the item key flexfield?

Also there are trick questions (that's what I like to call them) where a lot of unnecessary information is given when the first sentence in the question will be enough to select the right choice.

And of course, there are questions which you can answer based on elimination of wrong answers.

The best ways to prepare for this is work on an Oracle Applications Vision Demo Database and try different test cases, For example:

Create several items which are having different combinations of lot control, serial control and locator control. Do Inventory transactions on these items. The main transactions I would recommend are inter-org transfer and subinventory transfers.

The most difficult part was Inventory Planning. Apart from the Min-max, I had not worked on other planning methods which involved MRP. Some of these methodologies are direct formulas which you might have to memorize.

I allocated my time like this:
* one-week for familiarizing with the concepts mentioned earlier.
* 5 days for working on a Vision instance for doing different transactions. Out of this, I dedicated one-full day (3 hours) checking out the different flags in the Items form and creating several items with different inventory controls. The 2nd day for transactions and transaction managers (plus profile options), and Inventory controls, the third for Inventory integration with other modules, esp., WIP, Order Entry and Purchasing, and the fourth for reports and different Inventory forms. The fifth day I just went through the entire stuff which I had covered in the previous 4 days.

Also while doing this, I made sure that I referred the window help for each form which contained some good and useful information.

I skipped some of the Inventory Planning chapters as I had not worked on planning and kanban (it was purely a no-brainer that I skipped these topics because I knew I would not be able to cram this relatively new stuff in such a short time).

I expected that the 2nd exam would be similar to 1st one in terms of the type of questions that would come. What I mean to say is, I was expecting that the questions would be directly lifted of the Student's Guide. And this worried me; as I didn't get access to the Student's Guide, though I tried hard.

When I took the exam, it was an eye-opener and then some. I could see that whatever I had studied would not be directly useful but had to be applied. I had to work on each question as a case study and apply the concepts from what I had learnt. I was glad when it was over and was glad that I had practised the stuff on the Demo database. But it gave me a good idea as to what to expect for the 3rd test, provided the 3rd one would be based on similar lines.

Other colleagues of mine who had written Paper II mentioned that they got questions from Warehouse Management System also. I am not sure about this because I did not get any questions on WMS.

Two down, one to go.

The IIIrd paper (1Z0-222: Oracle Purchasing 11i Fundamentals) was again no cakewalk. I was only familiar with creation of a PO and receiving against a PO in an existing setup with a basic information of the PO workflow. I took 4 weeks preparing for this paper. At one point, in desperation I even searched in google for any OCP site. The only site I came up with was the OAUG blog which didn't contain much info on the Purchasing paper (this will be the first site you hit when you search for OCP in Google).

I started with the User's guide again. I tried to correlate the syllabus from the OCP site with the User's Guide. Once done, I tried to get info from my friends familiar with Purchasing. I got different approaches but I got back to the one that was the hardest and the most painful: Working on the demo Vision database. And again referring to the Window Help. I felt that this worked best for me.

Purchasing fundamentals mainly consists of Purchasing, Requisitioning and Receiving. There are other sub-modules iProcurement, iSupplier and Sourcing. Its a good idea to have an overview of these topics before starting. Again a good starting point is the User's Guide.

The first week I got to familiarize myself with the Purchasing fundamentals. The next was the setups, esp., the documents and approval hierarchy setups.

Questions on document types and approval hierarchy are one of the most straightforward ones you get in the paper.

The other part which was a bit new to me was the Purchasing interfacing with other modules which mainly consisted of Payables.

After completion of these, I went for the Approved Supplier Lists (ASL). The sourcing part of the Purchasing was really confusing. In this regard, one profile option that's important is the PO: Automatic Document sourcing.

The exam also contained questions on iProc and Oracle Sourcing which are a part of the Procurement suite of products in Oracle Applications.

And then, it was all grind and no play. Work on the Vision demo database. Create POs, BPAs, requisitions, releases and other documents.

On the day of the exam, I was glad that the questions set in the 3rd exam were similar to the way they were set in 2nd. Based on the concepts, I was able to get some sense out of questions. One thing worth mentioning (again) is, when I was reading the questions, I simultaneously jotted down the problem points and the steps on a piece of paper to analyze the questions. It made things easier and saved me time. For the questions for which I was not sure of the answers, I revisited them after I had answered the questions I knew. For all the papers, I was left with about a little more than 1o mins for revision.

The exercise paid off and I got certified with a decent score (I had never aimed for 100%).
Three down!!
Whew!!
Here, I should really appreciate the folks at Oracle. They had aimed to test the candidate's knowledge of fundamentals and they did succeed to a great extent.

Stargazing - Lunar Eclipse 28th August 2007

Once in a blue moon, (no pun intended) the amateur astronomer in me surfaces out into the open. So this time when that happened, by sheer luck, I had a chance to watch the Lunar Eclipse (that occurred on 28th August 2007) standing right in my frontyard!! On the left is one of the shots I could take with my pretty outdated digicam (with a ridiculously low zoom). Its actually the same camera with which I got the pic of the Golden Gate (the genesis of this blog), but in this case it simply gave up on me (and consequently exposed my very limited photography skills).

And without any optical aids such as binoculars, telescope or any other useful sky gazing kits, I could not capture the "red moon" :-( .

But I was lucky to get to view it with the naked eye without the clouds playing spoilsport (and at 2:10 am, even the light pollution was less!!).

Also, I found these great photos on the net if you want to really see the entire event: http://www.umatrix.net/lunar/ . Enjoy!!

While we are on this topic, you can also check this useful site for Positional Astronomy I came across a very long time back (it involves a wee bit of Math).

Chances are...

[ This is a random article I had written for my office magazine a long time back (of course, it never got published!! :-) ). I am posting it here so that I can save this work. Most of my friends who saw this article liked it, some said I should never take up writing for a living. Anyways, I'm publishing this so that I can clean up my hard drive. If anyone does chance to come upon this, enjoy (or disregard). ]

“I’ll take my chances.” How many times have you come across people say that in course of a conversation?

It is calculated, that the chances of winning a jackpot in the UK National Lottery is 1 in 13,983,816, that is, 1 chance in almost 14 million! Yet, you do find people thronging to the lottery centers trying their luck to make a quick fortune where the odds of winning are miniscule. Taking a chance is not new to mankind. I guess the first game of survival the evolving human ever played would have had to do with was to take chances, yes, a lot of chances. For instance, the chances of survival were extremely low when trying to hunt for food in the wilderness but so were the chances of surviving if he did not hunt. In short, he didn’t have a choice but to venture out.

In this world of uncertainities, there are still some people who love to take that one chance that will give them the thrill of a lifetime. And while taking these chances, many have made a fortune and many have lost. But had not those chances been taken, maybe this world would have been a less interesting place to live in. It is said that many inventions that changed this world happened by chance! Yes, so, the odds of winning the jackpot might be 1 in 14 million but who knows, the first chance you take and you win, your life’s changed. Forever, and how! A renowned astronomer and physicist once stated, “God does not play dice.” But then probably, we lesser mortals can.

Rarely does one gets to do something he or she always desired when given a chance. The question then is, Why not? It is better to have tried at least once and failed than never to have tried at all. Success or Failure should not be a criterion to decide, much unlike in those action movies, where the ramrod straight General states in a typical clipped accent, “Failure, gentlemen, is not an option.” Success and failure should just be the byproducts of the chances that are offered to you. You might win some and you might lose many but do go out and make the most of it while the opportunity knocks.

Why am I talking about all this? Well, I always loved writing but the writer’s block used to hit me even before I used to type “Foreword”. I got this chance to show off and this one time I just didn’t want to let go. So I skipped “Foreword” and went forward. What the heck! Let the creative juices flow! You as a reader may criticize it, laugh at the attempt, pan it, toss it into fire, but at least I have made a start. As the byline of an upstart company ad used to state, “Just do it”, just did it. So the next time, you get to do something you really felt good about, go ahead, take the plunge. Make your world a bit more interesting. So, while you people figure out what you would love to do, I will go ahead and buy that lottery ticket. Chances are…

At the Golden Gate on a lazy Sunday afternoon

This is a blog about my recent trip to the Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco. Everyone who's seen this famous bridge has his or her perception. I had been to this place earlier on but did not have a chance to photograph it. This time when I did, it was not so perfect a day to visit the place. The bridge was almost completely covered by one of those famous SF fogs. I could never see the entire span from any given point and so could not take a picture. Though initially this seemed frustrating, I realized that this is the natural setting for this bridge. I hope the snap I took does some justice to the scene I saw.