When its Amway, I'm away: Selling it to the wrong guy

The nine-days (or rather the nine-nights) of festival came to an end on a high note for me. It was fun to watch how different people celebrated it and how everyone had a time of their life. It was definitely much better than how it went for me last time (I was away working).

The only thing that left a bitter taste in my mouth though was a phone call that had me real fuming at the end of it. I am sure you might have heard of this multi-level marketing thing that's happening all across the globe. Yea, the same thing where you enroll yourself as a node and then evangelise the usage of that company's products to people who eventually become your nodes, pyramids, etc. Finally, you end up becoming some sort of a gem or metal (emerald, platinum, etc.) based on the number of people who are below you. This call was from one such aspiring gem (or metal).

People have to realize that not everyone has got the subtle art of sweet talking others into doing things which otherwise they wouldn't have dreamt of. In other words selling off things which the buyer would find no use of. I, for one, don't have this so called soft-skill. So why convince me to convince others? I get this call from this sweet voiced lady telling me about how to become a millionaire and eventually quit my present job. Perfect. What else would I love to do? But for me, since neither do I have a pleasing personality nor do I have a way with people (I've got the social skills and charisma rivaling only to that of a neanderthal to say the least) this is not my kinda job. I simply don't belong to that club of elite people who can make zillions by convincing ordinary folks into joining the organization and ask them keep using products which they don't want to.

I remember, a few months back, one of my friend who really went out of the way to be nice with me (he treated me out in a Malay restaurant on my birthday) and then cornered me into a situation (I sometimes cannot use the word "No" even if I am desperate.) where I had no choice but to attend a convention of like-minded individuals who belonged to such similar organization. He was gracious enough to give me a lift to the convention center. I entered this huge room in jeans and beach sandals only to find people dressed up to their neck in business formals. It was like being fully clothed on a nude beach. Trouble. I also heard a few sniggers from those business formals. Totally un-business formals like, I must say. And then I am asked to take a very uncomfortable chair right next to a lady who's cheering and clapping on everything the guy on the podium was talking about. So my cue was: clap when the lady claps and pretend as if you are listening, even if you are not. It was one of those tortuous 2.5 hours which tested my patience to the limit and then some. And all the while I was sticking out like a sore thumb. Unforgettable. The speaker was good, damn good, but I was simply disinterested and indifferent. Once the speeches and presentations were over, I had the "privilege" of meeting some of these individuals in Armanis and Men's Wearhouses. Everytime I met someone, I was invited to this even larger convention that would be held someplace else. I must say, to my own amazement, everytime I got invited, I managed to wriggle out of it. Everytime. I guess these presentations were actually helping me improve my soft skills. I was mastering the art of saying "No".

All this is not new to me. I have had invites and being cornered into such meetings and conventions at least half a dozen times in as many years. It seems to be a popular pastime for people with whom I interact in my line of work. I haven't been able to come out convinced at any point in time. Goes to prove that its just not my cup of tea.

So, in future, if someone comes to me selling Amway or whatever, it'll be time for me to pack my bags and head in the opposite direction. Good luck to all of you who have joined, and who'd like to join, but take my word for it I'm not your man. I'm a self-confessed social retard and for this crime, when I retire, I would try to live off what little I end up saving instead of regretting the lost opportunities you so nicely presented to me. And yes, I have read that amazing book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. It never worked (for me). I lose more friends than I make (social retard, remember?). So leggo of me.