The Day I Stopped Dreaming

I have always dreamed (during those times I slept more and dreamed more) of working hard and getting somewhere some day. And truth be told, my dreams are coming true - at least about the working hard part - the part that hard work will get me somewhere is yet to happen. Apart from getting somewhere (by which I mean avoiding being nowhere), working hard comes with a set of side affects as byproducts. First of all, you end up working long hours which saps out whatever little juice you have left. Secondly, you can't compensate those long hours of work with long hours of R&R. Thirdly, and most importantly, it affects sleep. That's because you can't have two sets of long hours in one 24-hour day. So considering that I am working a wee bit harder these days, saying that I feel a wee bit tired would be wee bit of an understatement.

I also always dreamed (again during those times I slept more and dreamed more) about travelling to far and distant lands and making friends all over the planet. Today, this dream of mine has also been realized (again to some extent) by the one universal connector of choice, the Internet. Over the years, Internet has been one medium that has successfully helped me get nearer to distant things and people. But the Internet has also NOT helped by distancing me from people near and dear to me. Honestly, I never dreamed about the distancing part. Side affects again. Like many of you out there, I can chat and talk with people on the other side of the planet on my phone and iPad while having a nice leisurely Sunday afternoon lunch with my family but can barely participate in any conversation with people seated around the table. Similar is the case when I am at work. I can now hardly put a name to a face but I can always tell by the emoticon as to who just pinged me.

And funnily enough, being overworked and overly-online, I have developed two distinct personas. My online friends emphatically claim that I'm a party animal but the people around me say that I have withdrawn into myself and have become a total recluse. Gosh! It's like Bruce Wayne and Batman! Like Superman and Clark Kent! Like Peter Parker and Spider-man! Like Norman Osborn and Green Goblin! Well, you get the drift. And like all these superheroes (plus supervillains), you can't please them all with what you are or what you are not. Dr. Bruce Banner didn't become 'The Incredible Hulk' for nothing! It seems as if my virtual alter ego has sucked up all my good energy and left me with a plateful of broccoli without any seasoning. For breakfast, lunch and dinner. To use the only French phrase I know, 'c'est la vie'.

All in all, in a way, with my careless usage of precious man hours at work and staying online, I have effectively accomplished my dreams. And I can now alternate between a superhero (or supervillain) and a mild-mannered and reticent alter ego, online and offline respectively. Again to an extent, that is. In the process, I have effectively curbed my sleeping hours. And thus, I have effectively curbed my dream time. With no proper sleep and no dream time, life has become a bit more pragmatic and lot less dreamy. For me, the adage, 'if wishes were horses...' no longer means horses (or whatever that was supposed to mean). Essentially, my dreams have now become a reality in which I can't dream anymore. Well, never in my wildest dreams did I ever dream that such a thing would happen! To paraphrase Annie Nielsen from the movie 'What Dreams May Come', 'Sometimes when you win, you lose.' I seriously think I should sleep on it. Now. And dream a dream about not working hard or be online but just stop for a bit and smell the roses. Before a rude wake-up call comes, that is.