Changing Wheels

In the past one year to six months, most of my friends and colleagues have replaced their old cars with new ones. You can call it a coincidence but in my opinion it was about time they did. Most of our cars (including mine) had reached the end of their useful life or were no longer the kind of car we wished to drive. But as an exception to the rule, I haven't had the intention or the nerve to replace mine with a brand new one. While my friends are presenting me with several compelling arguments as to why I should, I have some equally valid points as to why I can't or don't wish to.

First of all, considering the crowded car market we have today, it’s not easy to zero in on the one car in particular and say with confidence that you’ve made the right choice. Imagine you wanted to buy that sleek, stylish, future-tech red sports car like sedan. Even before you could begin to convince your near and dear as to why you want to get yourself the car you want, you will first need to convince your heart and head to reach a compromise. Needless to say, your heart and head will always be at loggerheads about your selection.
 

Which car do I need?

Heart: SUV! Dude, you rule da road. And off-road. Face it. You always wanted one. Or maybe the other wedge-shaped, aerodynamic, wind-tunnel designed sleek baby which makes your original Ray-Ban Aviators that much more you.

Head:  Sleek, yes. Feline, yes. But think practical. Small, compact, stylish (make that boxy), fuel-efficient hatch. Everyone has one these days. Do you think they all are morons? And no one's going to check out your Aviators unless you are a Tom Cruise or a fighter pilot. And fyi, girls prefer guys who drive sensible cars at reasonable speeds. And there's this small problem of finance. You don't even have the budget to buy a good two-wheeler.

Do I need top-end or mid-level variant?
Heart: Pimp up your drive. Top-of-the-line leather with DIN so that you can listen to those Dev Anand oldies at full volume (Rafi's voice doesn't require a full blast but nevertheless, who knows you might even start to like heavy metal over time). And fake Recaro seats to add. And LEDs. And ...
Head: Do you really need a SUV and all that bling and chrome? Just go for that mid-level hatch variant I was telling you about. Maybe you can add some decent seats and an aftermarket stereo. Cheaper on insurance too. Until and unless you are having a mid-life crisis. And dude, did you forget? Limited budget. Make that very very limited budget.

Auto? Manual? 
Heart: Six-speed DSG. Your left hand has better things to do than fiddle with the gearstick. Like finding that right iPod track or umm picking your nose while you are stuck in stop go traffic.

Head: A simple, cheaper 5-speed manual. Easy, smooth and fuel-efficient. And admit it, you are a pro in shifting gears. And you don't like snot in your car.

Color?
Heart: Dude! RED its gonna be and RED its gonna stay!
Head: Go for the easy to maintain silver or grey. Few scratches and Red looks bled.

Engine? 
Heart: Petrol.
Head: Petrol it is! What!? They don't call me a petrolhead for nothing.
Enter Wallet: Are you nuts!? DIESEL!

Final result: A boxy, tallboy design, stay on road, everyday workhorse (or a mule) in non-metallic white. And yes, as a compromise with the heart, an afterthought aftermarket Rs. 50 Scuderia Ferrari sticker stuck on the rear windscreen. The sticker’s just to tell the guys behind you what car you wanted to buy and what you ended up with and how recklessly you are going to drive it.

In short, the car which would appeal to no one’s taste nor offend them. Neither your head, nor your heart. Nor you wallet. And nor your friends. Or your family. Or your dog. So what’s the point?

Needless to say, even before that smell of the new car wears off, every time you get behind the wheel you'd be taking a minute or two to figure out why you bought this car. Luckily, when I got my current car, I did not have as many choices nor did I have to take time to convince my head, heart, wallet and the rest of the world because truth be told, it was the perfect choice (as far I was concerned) that wasn’t a compromise. Sadly, this is no more the case with newer cars.

Anyways, just in case if I crossed this first hurdle and hypothetically decided to buy that dream car by convincing everyone and annoying no one, the next problem would be even more taxing. And that is taking a spanking new car out into the traffic. A traffic that would be considered illegal even in the Wild West. In the past few years, driving through the ever-increasing sea of unruly traffic has been like driving through choppy overflowing storm drains filled with debris that clog every major junction. Or to put it mildly, it is like navigating through rough and choppy seas filled with flotsam and jetsam. And through icebergs in the form of abnormally high road dividers. At any point in time, one can expect being dinged by something from behind or from the side or from the front. Or you could just end up hitting something or someone in a bid to avoid hitting something or someone else. And of course there are always those morons who drive as if they just robbed a bank but could not manage a clean getaway. Such incidents especially while driving a new car can cause enough damage to ruin your peace for the next few months or years for that matter. No matter how good your seamanship err steersmanship is, you cannot avoid these ding wars once you are on the road. Over a period of time you certainly get to know how that Captain of the Titanic felt when that darned iceberg dinged his brand-new boat on its maiden voyage. But with my old car, I do not have to worry about this problem. No one likes to nick a car that’s already scratched and battered on all sides.

If you still think that the above argument is not compelling enough and that I should be man enough to weather the ding wars and go ahead with purchasing a new car, think again. My next argument will stump you with just one word: Parking. The perennial problem of parking. Every time you take your car outside your garage and need to park, you end up paying “parking fees” that usually ranges from ‘not nominal’ to ‘outrageous’ to 'extortion'. In the past few years, I have spent a small fortune on parking and valét tips. Despite that, valéts across town are not too happy with my tipping. But then when you see a guy stepping out of a car that’s no longer in production and is no longer having a paint job that it once used to have, valets should not expect much. Which could be the probable reason why I usually see my car being parked at the unlikeliest of spots that otherwise would be off-limits for newer cars. For a new car, the tip would be more of an extortion in the form of keep-my-car-safe protection fee. Or to avoid valets, I'd have to park at a safe place (such as my garage) or a few kilometers away. And take a bus.

Last but not the least, the price of new cars. Thanks to the way our governments think about development and arresting development, the prices of cars in the market are enough to make you do a mental somersault about your car-buying decision. One glance at the pricelist and the words that come to mind are mind-numbing, heart-stopping and wallet-burning. Words strong enough to discourage you from entering that car showroom for a simple test-drive. No test-drive means no new-car experience and so no new car purchase. Finis.

All in all, it’s not going to be easy for anyone to convince me to buy a new car because my mind's made up on it. But before I forget, as my final trump card, I would like to mention that my battle-scarred, battered car has been like an old reliable fishing trawler that’s still seaworthy despite weathering some of the ugliest storms in its lifetime. I simply cannot part with it. Enough said. And no, it does not have a Rs.50 Scuderia Ferrari sticker on the rear windscreen and I definitely don’t drive it like I stole it.